Realization
by Forever Young
Summary: VDT, Edmund was focusing on his cousin, Eustace's, fault so much, he didn't see where he still had some too.


A/N: Well I got into Edmund's head with a little follow up piece after LWW, why not do one for DT. I thought about trying to get into Eustace's head, but somehow, it's harder, so while he and his thoughts are here, it's kinda Edmund focused as you'll see, in something that's hit me since reading the books about Edmund's transition if you will.

Enjoy :) and yes I did try to jump off the conversation on this topic Edmund and Eustace do have, short though it is.

DAWN TREADER MOVIE SPOILERS!

**Realization**

Edmund Pevensie turned the knob and walked back into Lucy's guest room of Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold's house; the one with the painting in it. Why had he hesitated at the doorway? Perhaps afraid of another rush of water? But no, that wouldn't happen again, he thought wryly with a smile, just as wardrobe tapping hadn't helped any of him or his siblings after their first trip.

And...plus he wasn't to go back. Peter had been right when he'd asked him about it, it was...alright, really. Yes there was a pang and he wished to see Narnia again, but, he was content with how he'd already served and if that was all Narnia needed of him.

Edmund finally got to his reasoning for entering the room in the first place, and walked towards the edge of the bed. He was praying it was still there. As he neared the end of Lucy's bed though, he found someone just standing from having crouched near it as well.

Eustace.

Had it been just yesterday, Edmund would have accused his cousin of ill intent. Now, he was sort of caught off guard and not sure what to say, especially given the previous thought.

With an odd smile of his own, Eustace held out the paper he had, the one Edmund wanted and the one his cousin had retrieved first.

"Were you looking for this?" Eustance asked. Edmund scowled as he noted Aunt Alberta's card he'd tried to use just that morning for entrance to the service. Great, and Eustace had it.

Past experiences and habit outweighed all Edmund knew now and he sighed, "I suppose you'll be telling your mother, getting me into troub-", Edmund halted the moment he noticed a look come across Eustace's face. Not an angry look, but, hurt.

Everything since Eustace had been a dragon in Narnia came back to consideration and Edmund shut his eyes, "Sorry" he said, meeting Eustace's gaze next.

The younger boy just handed him the card, "It's alright...not like I don't see where it comes from" he said. Edmund was silent. Eustace went to walk past him, and Edmund turned laying a hand on his cousin's shoulder.

"No...Eustace wait...". the other boy turned. Edmund sighed, "After everything on the Dawn Treader, I...I shouldn't even think such" he admitted.

Eustace nodded, not pushing aside what his cousin was saying, but still...Edmund didn't like that look on his face; because he understood it too well.

"I should, go return Mother's misplaced card to her..." the younger boy was saying as he made for the door. His intent of not telling evident in saying 'misplaced'.

"Have I been that bad of a prig..." Edmund sighed, causing his cousin to turn once more. The older boy settled on the side of Lucy's bed.

"Edmund...I never said..." Eustace began.

"But if you had, you'd have been absolutely right" Edmund said, "I've been just as bad as Peter...worse even" Edmund sighed once more. He thought back on everything that had happened since their coming here. His reaction to everything Eustace had said, to Eustace's breaking of a vase of his aunt's and trying to blame Lucy, to even those annoying rhymes he'd come up with!

Why had it taken up to that trip to the dragon's hold, and him holding Eustace's seared shirt, sure his cousin was dead, to realize all this?

Eustace came over to pull a chair near the bed and just stare at his cousin with that odd look on Edmund's face. "E-Edmund..." he pried. Eustace was both stunned and a bit uncomfortable by what he saw. He'd been used to Edmund's disgust with him, his snappish comments and avoidance of even dealing with him. This...this look he couldn't read.

Edmund sighed, "I'm sorry Eustace, if I'd been acting as I should you probably wouldn't have even had to go through being a dragon".

"If **you'd** been acting as you should?" Eustace was blown away.

Edmund gave a small smile, "Yeah", he next frowned though, "When...when Caspian and I found your burned clothes and...feared the worst I realized that I'd been doing nothing but starting rows with you, and...pushing you away. I...was annoyed with every word out of your mouth practically and so...didn't care to notice you'd snuck off".

Eustace was silent a bit, and Edmund was afraid he'd admitted too much with this last part until his cousin spoke.

"Well...I guess I can't blame you, really, I was pretty hard to get along with..." Eustace had to admit, frowning at the memory.

"But, if anyone should have given you a chance it's me" Edmund shook his head, "After all you still did better on your first trip to Narnia than me. Snobbish is nothing compared with...treason".

"I don't know, Reep said that's what the theft of that orange was" Eustace said. Edmund had to smile as his cousin didn't even ask about the story.

"That's just Reep for you, he thinks everything is life and death" Edmund admitted. Both boys smiled on the thought of the mouse, and then frowned as they realized neither of them would see Reepicheep again.

"Is...that what you meant by acting like Peter? Starting rows?" Eustace asked after a moment. Edmund wasn't sure whether or not to be thankful that they hadn't visited enough in the past for Eustace to know this answer.

"Sort of...but not faulting Peter just...with how I was, I don't know where I get off saying any of what I've ever said to you" Edmund found for an answer that halfway said what he was trying to put into words.

Eustace surprised his cousin by saying, "I do".

Edmund looked at him. Eustace grimaced a bit embarrassed, "Edmund...I don't have siblings, as you know, but...well even when I wouldn't admit it, I...if I had an older brother, I'd have wanted him to be like you, so...maybe it...makes sense if your acting a bit like Peter".

Edmund, so use to being in the "left behind youngest set", couldn't fully take in his cousin's words enough to answer right away, so Eustace went on.

"It...it wasn't just the crew I went to when I was a dragon, it was Lucy, and...you. I picked you up because I knew if anyone was going to believe those words I burned into the mountain, it was you Edmund Pevensie" Eustace was starting to cry, "You and Lucy were really the only hope I had left...and I had no reason to ask...to ask you".

Edmund surprised both of them by reaching out and hugging his younger cousin. Eustace settled to sit on the bed next to Edmund, not even seeming embarrassed by all of this, as his thoughts continued and he voiced them.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when you two leave...I" Eustace sighed, voice still muffled by Edmund's shirt, "Maybe it won't make sense, but just a while ago, downstairs, I...I was trying to put everything right and call Alberta and Harold, my own parents, actual mum and dad. It's what normal people, without their silly ideas do...she, Edmund my own mother looked at me like I was crazy for calling her mum!" the tears came afresh.

Edmund frowned, suddenly justifiably angry at his aunt and uncle and their closed-mindedness, "Well that's just rot, Eustace!" he sat the boy back to look at him, "I...I know, being your parents it smarts like that sore pull we were talking about without the good, and you can't very well avoid them, but...try not to mind them. Our own parents don't even know about Narnia".

Edmund's parents were still supportive, so he knew it wasn't much consolation, but he was trying.

"So, it'll just be ours and Peter and Susan's secret. And...Lu and I will write, I promise". Edmund smiled. He had to, he realized, Eustace had no one else but them to lean on, as his words on his parents had proved. Edmund suddenly didn't want to leave him alone in this wretched house either; but if Susan's letter had been correct they still had a few months or so. Odd, he was rejoicing that fact now!

Eustace hugged him again, and Edmund pat his cousin's back.

"And who gave you permission to make promises for me?" a voice asked. Edmund and Eustace were suddenly horribly aware the door had not been closed. Despite meaning their affections of before, they were still English boys and leapt apart as if either of them had the plague as they took stock of Lucy standing in the doorway.

She laughed brightly next moment though, and launched forward to all but crush Eustace in a hug of her own, "Of course I'll write!" she said, "and you must write back!" she told Eustace.

"Sounds better than journal writing" Eustace admitted and Edmund found he really was starting to like his cousin's normal mode of joking or even just talking.


End file.
